I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
