If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
