I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize