I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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