Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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