these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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