My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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