he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
