I just saw a hot homeless man
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
