Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
