I hate all girls vehemently.
Non-Jews are for practice
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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