I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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