Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
