Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
