It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
