It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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