Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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