who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
