How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize