I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
