Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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