were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize