and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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