btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
