I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
