The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Randomize
