your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
