so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
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