Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
