apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
