it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
