Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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