sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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