Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
