idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
