i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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