Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
