Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
