so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
