It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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