He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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