he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
