I swear she didn't look like that last week.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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