woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
