Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
only you would photoshop your dick
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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