i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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