So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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