i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
