Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
