Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
