The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
