Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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