I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
