hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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