if only i could text you this smell
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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