If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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