are you still at the devil's house?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
