I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
