i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
