Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
