we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
COCAINE IS GR8
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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