im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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