Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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