He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
