Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
