you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
