is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
