Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
