So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
