I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
