had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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