I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
