This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
