pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
