I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
