Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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