Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
