he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
