Jerry, you need to find god
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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