I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love having hate sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
