I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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