Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
