pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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