I just pynch a tree in the face
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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