two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
