Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drake has all the answers
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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